One of his comments was, “Look how she is wearing her sunglasses on her head, and she is arguing and she doesn’t know how to drive.”
BHPian DogNDamsel12 recently shared this with other enthusiasts.
His two minutes of fame – Misogyny alert
Happened to me a couple of days back. I entered a really narrow lane in one of the suburbs of Kolkata, to pick up a friend. Before I entered there was a WagonR who had flashed its dipper asking for “right of way”. And at the outset, I admit the Right of Way was his. But since I was blocking the main road, so, I thought I might as well enter the lane and allow traffic to pass and then if needed can appropriately negotiate my way forward or backwards to allow the WagonR to pass.
But this led to the WagonR driver’s ire, whose reaction was to “unsee” me despite my hand signals. Next, the owner of the car (there were 3 people inside + the driver) comes out chargingly at me, and from the word go his intent was to prove that I didn’t know how to drive and why I had entered the lane. Initially, I offered to take my car in reverse into a side lane, which would have been only possible for me if he took his car back a few inches to allow my vehicle enough space to reverse at a due angle. But his stance was simple – his driver won’t budge and I have to admit that I cannot drive!
I usually avoid engaging on the road even if that means allowing someone to pass me by. Even when I know that the other person may be wrong, I have done my best to sideline any unnecessary tiffs. But this senile man was not interested in resolving the issue. What clearly offended him was that a woman was at the wheels and he was hellbent on proving that she didn’t know how to drive. He was so aggressive and offensive that now even my ego was rubbed. And, while he went on babbling at me in a fit, I called my friend to come over so that the situation can be diffused.
My friend came in. This man went on ranting away at him too (the picture is of him yelling at my friend. His ask was simple “She has to admit that she cannot drive!” I figured it would pacify him if I handed over the keys to my friend, who asked the WagonR driver to back up a few inches and then backed up my car into the side lane just the way I had politely suggested to this man about 5 minutes back.
Actually, this man was out there to prove a point – because I am a woman, I cannot drive. He went on repeating that like a rapper in Bengali, as my friend was inside the car backing up and I was standing in the midst of a crowd of local onlookers. He was trying to turn them against me. One particular comment that should be a telltale sign of his misogynist outlook was “look how she is wearing her sunglasses on her head, and she is arguing and she doesn’t know how to drive.”
N.B. He was paying a driver to take him around but thinks he is qualified to comment on my driving.
It is nerve-wracking to let the moment slide and not let your ego take over, and triggering to be judged basis my gender. But I have learned to steel my nerves and move on as best as I can!
Here’s what BHPian Thad E Ginathom had to say about the matter:
My mother, in the UK, continued to drive (on difficult rural roads) until a few months before her death just short of her 90th birthday. She not only drove but had an intuitive understanding of the car’s mechanics, faults, etc.
Next to my father, one of my greatest driving gurus, who used to take me out for practice driving, was a woman.
Yes, I’ve seen stupid woman drivers: but far fewer than men!
A long time ago, when I was relatively new to Indian residence, roads, driving, I learnt this from an auto driver, when I expressed anger at a car blocking the road: “Do not blame him: he is a professional driver, and has no choice but to do what the owner tells him.”
Here’s what BHPian ShreyG had to say about the matter:
Well, clear BS from the said gentleman (if I may dare to call him that). I can proudly say that I have been driving for close to 12 years now and have been taught by my mother (who herself has been driving for >40 years and has the confidence of a 25-year-old at the ripe age of 60). These kinds of idiots give a bad name to the gentlemen-kind. Hope this one-off incident hasn’t put you off.
Coming to the topic of de-escalation techniques, I can mention one which you should certainly avoid to reduce the escalation.
I had a minor situation on the ORR Bangalore, where a two-wheeler rider (the tafri kind, helmetless, snaking around with headlight panel removed) nearly fell over during his snaking manoeuvres. Would have been disastrous if he would have fallen right in front of me with no scope left for emergency braking. Unfortunately, at that moment, my co-passenger and I were laughing at something we had heard on the radio. This incensed the said primate and at the 19th Main HSR red light, he caught up to us and started banging on the window firing expletives (in fluent Hindi). I remained calm and did not pay much attention, waiting for the light to turn green. Apparently, it was my fault that he had nearly slipped (I had honked at him to let him know I was behind him) and how dare I laugh at him. Fortunately, the saving grace was my dashcam. As soon as I pointed to the camera, he must have realized that everything that has happened is recorded as he fellow zoomed off right into the path of oncoming traffic, never to be seen again.
So, the lessons:
- Avoiding laughing whenever there is an incident (an apologetic smile should be ok though).
- Get a dashcam. There are plenty of idiots on the road with frustrated pedestrian public ready to back him / her up against big car guy. The police will have a solid backing to help you out if you have video.
Here’s what BHPian amol4184 had to say about the matter:
A guy in a chauffeur-driven Wagon-R of all the cars argues about the driving skills of others. Don’t think irony has even tried to enter his dense head.
Here’s what BHPian jagzrk had to say about the matter:
This was a regular occurrence with my wife until we got a dashcam. Here in Pune, some men will go to the extent of causing damage to the vehicle just to say those misogynistic words. The last time it happened, we got a good amount of money from the guy to repaint the panels, thanks to dashcam evidence of him clearly swerving into the car to cause damage. Of course, the first words were the same which you heard.
Based on my wife’s experiences and my reviewing her dashcam footage, it is beyond doubt that women have it like hell when they’re driving. It’s really disgusting to see so many men trying to cut off, harass women, try to put the woman driver purposefully in an uncomfortable situation just so that they could taunt! There is no escape to this tyranny and the only respite are dashcams, front and rear, if any legal recourse is required.
Keyword: Road rage: Encoutered a misogynist WagonR owner in Kolkata