Today in 3 idioteers fighting, Aaron gets replaced by MR DOT, Ferdi complains about a wrong engined car and Lukas doesn't want to look like a mid-life divorcee.
As you've obviously extracted from the above we are trying to find the replacement for the Beetle…. 911
Ferdi's choice: Chevrolet Corvette (C7) Z06
Yellow
Yellow
The quest to find a replacement for a wrong-engined Porsche really isn’t that difficult, two cars immediately jump to mind; the C7 Corvette Z06 and the Vantage. I absolutely love both of them, James going for the Vantage makes the choice easier. Yes, the Vantage is a brilliant looking car with an amazing engine, but the noise producing, bargain that is the Corvette just has a whole different mindset. I love it, the 650 HP producing 6.2L V8 with a whiner costs 20k less than the most basic nine-hundred-eleven. And not unimportantly, it has a manual gearbox! Especially the Z06 is a looker with the blacked out grille, and centre placed quattro exhaust. Yes, James might say that it’s made from plastic and that it’s stupid but I like to think differently; it’s a magnificent RWD car you can get for the price of a car whose kidney grilles can be rented through Airbnb. It is for about the same reason why I love the Sierra cozzie, it’s a big finger to the expensive, sophisticated brands, I just need it in yellow, maybe some black stripes and it’s finished. And that noise, that noise is the absolute party piece. Imagine driving that over mountain roads, 2.9 seconds to a 100, manual gearbox and the soundtrack echoing, it’s perfection.
Blue, like James's new passport.
Blue, like James's new passport.
You might go and argue that it is no good as a replacement for the Beetle as it’s an American car so it won’t go through corners. But it does! Top Gear magazine named it the Muscle Car of the Year and that “it’ll trade blows with the best that AMG, BMW, Ferrari or Porsche has to offer, on the trickiest tracks in the world”
“It’ll make you feel like a million dollars, but costs a fraction of that. America has a new hero.”
Top Gear
Despite that this is a sports car, the engine lays in the front so you do get a proper boot, a quick Google learnt me that it has about the same boot size as a Golf! So it’s a roaring, petrol gulping, whining rear wheel drive holiday car. Okay the Lexus looks amazing, and so does the Vantage, but none of them have the character and message of the Corvette, it’s just an amazing car. And don’t forget that the Corvette has some racing pedigree, the C7.R looks plain astonishing, I’d honestly have the C7.R over the 911 RSR…
Looks aggressive
Looks aggressive
Oh and my number one point? Prince didn’t make a song on an upgraded Toyota and a Vantage, but he did do one on a Little Red Corvette.
Lukas's choice: Lexus LC500
Looks good
Looks good
What if you wanted to get a Porsche 911 but God said “No, here’s something better that doesn’t make u look like a mid-life divorcee haha lol”, well, God just recommended to you his favorite canyon carver with looks that can win a beauty pageant: the Lexus LC500. You’ve heard of it and probably even love it if you’re, you know, a working visual organ possessing homo sapiens. Look at that bubble butt.
Aesthetics: check.
Predictably Lukas
Predictably Lukas
Move on to performance and you won’t be disappointed at all. You get a five-liter V8 throwing 471hp and 398 lb-ft of twerk, which is really just the right amount. It’s not a supercar by any means but it’s not a slowpoke either; it can slingshot itself from naught-60 in, wait for it, 5 seconds. Ba-dm-tssh, I know but we’re using the most basic 911 which also shoots from 0-60 in the 4 second mark so Katrina, tortilla as the vine goes.
Performance: Uhhh check. Yep.
Looks comfy
Looks comfy
Comfort and elegance is where it really shines, though, even more than it does on the outside. Journalists and reviewers have described it as a jet’s cockpit, what with all of the driver focused controls and the extreme luxury it oozes. The interior is pretty much entirely covered in leather and to quote Ryan Reynolds, there’s a very nude cow out there somewhere saying “Worth it.”You even get multilink suspensions which make the ride even more comfortable. I mean, sure, the Z06 has 650hp but does it handle as good as this Miss Universe? No. I think.
Comfort and elegance: The most you can get from anything less than a Conti GT. Check.
Also, available as a convertible (unlike the Corette)
Also, available as a convertible (unlike the Corette)
Honestly, what other persuasions do you need, anyway? You get a great facade, a pretty reasonable V8 that won’t eat your wallet for lunch and a Four Seasons sans the pool all in one package. Although, you could fit a pool inside if you’re dedicated enough. Hurricane Tortilla for thought.
James's Choice: Aston Martin V12 Vantage
Beautiful and aggressive at the same time
Beautiful and aggressive at the same time
The first thing you need to know is that I made the right choice. I have 4 more cylinders than everyone else. This is especially good for a GT car as V12s (I wish I could say 12 cylinder engines, but VAG ruined that with their stupid W12s) have better natural balance than a V8. If you don’t understand what that means, don’t worry all you need to know that V12s are usually smoother and have less vibrations than V8s. Also, an important thing to realise is that V12s often sound better than V8s, and this one is no exception. However, as much as engines are important and, in many ways, the coolest or at least most glamorous part of a car we do need to discuss other aspects of a car. Let’s start with gear boxes, the LC500 is the only one without a manual, and that’s just a bit rubbish isn’t it. Next, we can look at the weight and the Z06 is the lightest by 67kg, probably something to do with the fact it is made out of plastic. Then there is the V12 Vantage which is 345kg lighter than the LC500, which weighs a colossal 2010kg.
Luckily you don't some fancy Chevrolet ruining the scenery
Luckily you don't some fancy Chevrolet ruining the scenery
To finish off explaining literally the most obvious thing ever (that the V12 Vantage is the best out of these 3) I need to talk about some less measurable aspects of a car. Firstly, looks, whilst the LC500 looks good the Vantage clearly looks the best. The last thing I need to mention is how easy these cars are to live with. This is one of the areas where the Corvette fails spectacularly as it reportedly is unable to go over speed bumps without ripping the underneath of the car, not ideal. To decide between the LC500 and the V12 Vantage we need to think about boot space, which is of course vital if you want to go on a Grand tour. Guess what? The Vantage wins this as well, by 103L over the Toyota’s, sorry Lexus’s, ridiculous 197L.
It can also slide
It can also slide
However, none of these reasons are why the V12 Vantage, or Aston Martin is so great. Whilst Aston Martin as made and continues to make some truly outstanding cars the reason that Aston Martin is such an iconic brand is because of how it makes you feel. When anyone sees an Aston Martin, they know what it is and they also know the person inside is sophisticated and someone of amazing taste, in all thing. No one has to check if it is special, like they might with the Z06 or ask what it is, like they will with the LC500. They know it’s an Aston Martin and they know it’s special and the V12 Vantage just happens to be one of the most special and brilliant Aston Martins ever made.
So they are our choices. Vote for you favourite in the poll below.
Keyword: Local idiots argue what's the best vroom vroom