Free Lives had the balls to put it out there, and we’ve been playing with it a lot.
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Genital Jousting pretty much took the gaming world by storm by letting players take control of a penis, and so if you’ve clicked on this review you’ve pretty much got a sense that this game isn’t for the faint of heart nor is it for the whole family. Fear not though, as these are merely digital dongs, and there’s actually a lot of fun to be had with this party game, more than just giggling at the virtual phalluses.
In the game you and up to seven of your closest friends take control of a pair of ‘meat and two veg’ and the goal is to try and screw each other. Literally. It can best be described as one of those “easy-to-pick-up, hard-to-master” party games, in the sense that it’s easy to explain, often best enjoyed with a pint or two, but if you’re really dedicated to slamming all your friends it’ll take some time to become the best.
Some of you may have already played the multiplayer version of the game, since it was a bit premature (something that’s normal and happens to a lot of men, or so we’ve heard), or in Early Access as some prefer to call it. The tone is set right off the bat when we’re greeted by a shower of peckers that spell out the logo of the game, complete with rather detailed sound effects, and it’s all downhill from there.
You can always play with yourself alone in your room, but if you’re getting the friends round for a good time you can choose from a range of gameplay modes, where more are added and unlocked as you play (you can even all play on one controller). After giving express consent (a nice touch, considering the main form of player interaction is based on penetration), you and your friends are free to pound away at each other, and with the number of pork swords swarming the screen it may be easy to lose sight of your johnson in the confusion, but fortunately there are costume options galore. You have a few to choose from at the start, and more are unlocked as you play, letting you have the prettiest bell of the ball.
But what’s new, and came with the very recent update, is the story mode, and this is something we found quite interesting, because it’s not every day that a party game with such an emphasis on “party” has any sort of story or plot, so one might ponder what these Broforce developers have in store for us and what the point might be, considering the number of penis-puns and crass humour already in the game.
The answer is: a pretty profound one.
In this tale of woe and worry we follow John, who is a bit of a dick (if you know what we mean). He’s stuck in a dead-end job, he’s single, and his apartment kinda sucks. Then to John’s dismay, an invitation to his high school reunion pops through his letterbox and he’s hit with a bout of insecurity and anxiety to the tune of: “What will my classmates think of me and what I’ve done with my life?” With the reunion looming, only six short months away, it’s up to us to help John stop cocking up his life, hopefully also get a date, and help him deal with his fear of ridicule at the hands of his childhood bullies.
The whole thing starts off innocently enough, with a boring job, a boss who yells at you for not performing well enough, and awkward interactions with colleagues. All of this narrated in much the same style as The Stanley Parable, with your actions prompting responses from the narrator, adding context and humour to the somewhat bizarre experience of literally dicking around. After a few days of menial labour and product testing it becomes apparent that a significant other schlong isn’t the only thing missing from John’s life, and it’s here we were caught a bit off-guard when the game gradually changed into a journey of self-improvement with you and John as the travellers. This, a game which up to this point had been mostly about gathering some friends and giving each other a proper poking while being peppered with pee-pee humour, suddenly turned deep and philosophical. It might just be the best example of why we love indie games, because where else would you possibly find life lessons whilst playing as bologna pony, disptick, pizzle, mickey, choad, trouser snake, boomstick or whatever you choose to call it?
There’s also some social commentary being made here, since John’s inner monologue, and attempts at solving what he perceives as failure and flaws, are very much relevant in a society where men often seek material wealth when confronted with insecurity, and shallow interactions over deep relationships. And how often haven’t you internalised feelings instead of talking about them with a close friend? This is why we find this game so interesting. So interesting in fact, that we would recommend you to play through the story, just in case you find something in John that you recognise in yourself (we know we did, at least). It’s not a profound experience, not something to give you a completely new outlook on life, but for a game that’s mostly about swinging your meat, it’s surprisingly deep, and it makes us think, at least until the sound of meat slapping against meat becomes too distracting.
All in all it’s pretty much what it says on the tin: it’s jousting, but with genitals. That makes its target audience very clear, and if you like toilet humour, giggle at virtual nudity, and love making innuendos, then this will probably entertain you before you even get into the fun and frantic multiplayer. With a surprisingly good story too, Genital Jousting has reached its peak… or should we say climax. It’s not that long, and not that hard, but it’s not the size that matters… right?
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Keyword: Genital Jousting