Established in 1903, the Ford Motor Company literally mobilized the world, bringing the automobile to the masses. In their illustrious history, Ford has produced some of the most iconic vehicles of all time, but it would be a lie to say everything they made was great. The Edsell comes to mind, as does the explodes-on-impact Pinto, but the awesomeness of the Mustang and F-Series truck more than makes up for a few minor missteps. Ford isn't the best-selling American brand and the most recognized company in the world because they make crap, but they also aren't infallible.While Ford's track record of meeting changing consumer tastes and leading trends is rock-solid, they have, on occasion, misread the tea leaves and launched a dud. In the early 2000s, Ford made a weird attempt at breaking into the luxury full-size sedan market with the utterly forgettable Five Hundred. This wasn't a case of the car being a mechanical mess, it was just so bland and generic that nobody noticed it. The good news for Ford was that this flop was as ignored as the car itself, so it wasn't a huge public humiliation. The Ford Five Hundred Full-Size Flop FordWhen Ford acquired Volvo Cars in 1999, nobody could have predicted the move would lead to one of the least successful vehicles in company history, but the universe is a weird place. Ford felt like they needed to do something with the Volvo acquisition, so they set out to design a car on the Swedish automaker's P2 platform used for the Volvo S80 executive car. That's kind of what Ford was going for with the Five Hundred, in that they wanted a competitor for full-size European sedans. The Five Hundred, introduced for the 2005 model year, managed to achieve full-size status, but any resemblance to a fine European auto was conspicuously missing. There was a definite shift to function over form, that would ultimately sink the Five Hundred. Ford Five Hundred Specs Ford spent considerable effort equipping the Five Hundred with Volvo's safety features, which isn't the worst thing in the world. The Five Hundred had a modified version of Volvo's Side Protection and Cabin Enhancement (SPACE) system that positioned the front seats on a cross-car hydroformed steel beam between the B-pillars. It also included Volvo-engineered impact-absorbing frame rails, collapsible steering column, and roof-mounted airbags. Lastly, for the AWD models, the Five Hundred incorporated Volvo's Haldex electro-hydraulic all-wheel drive system. While all of this stuff is good to have in a car, they are hardly exciting selling points. Along with the Five Hundred, there was a station wagon/SUV version known as the Ford Freestyle, as well as the Mercury Montego sister car. The Greenhouse Effect FordThe Ford marketing department probably sensed some trouble when the biggest brag they could find on the Five Hundred was that it was tall. At over five feet from the ground, it did achieve an altitude not commonly associated with luxury sedans, but that's not necessarily the first thing buyers are looking at.FordA car's "greenhouse" is the part above the fender or beltline that is mostly glass, hence the name. Ford was quite proud of the Five Hundred's cavernous greenhouse, and the fact that the seats were fixed much higher than most sedans. Honestly, this was one of the major aspects of this car that they promoted, because there really wasn't anything remotely exciting about it. Performance Disadvantaged FordThe Five Hundred could probably have survived the blah design if it had some decent power under the hood, but Ford went with a 203-horsepower 3.0-liter V-6. Maybe they felt that since the car was under-styled, it should also be underpowered, but that seems crazy. It, however, did happen, so perhaps there's something to the theory. At 3,664 pounds, the Five Hundred wasn't light, and such a weak engine made it accelerate like molasses on a cold day. With a 7.9-second 0-60 time and a 16.3-second quarter-mile, the Five Hundred was in danger of getting smoked by a minivan. The thing about luxury European cars is, they also have great performance, so this was another miss. The Design Dead Zone FordThe Ford Five Hundred wasn't exactly ugly, but it sure wasn't pretty either. Actually, it pushed the envelope of unremarkableness, becoming the least memorable car ever built. Ford designer J Mays admitted to Automotive News that the Five Hundred wasn't a career highlight, adding, "It's just lacking in the emotional appeal that we should have put into it."FordIn the official Ford press release for the Five Hundred, chief designer George Bucher, was quoted as saying, "It is not overly styled, but has a large presence because of its size." By that rationale, Ford was banking on the absurd notion that if a little bit of boring was good, then a massive chuck of it is great."About as sexy as going through your mother's underwear drawer."- Dan Neil of the LA Times review of the Five Hundred/MontegoThe designers of the Five Hundred struggled to find anything nice to say about the design, and in fact, seemed to be throwing shade at their own work, but the press was much more overt over their distaste for the car. The Detroit Free Press observed, "While there's lots to like about Ford's new big sedan, there's nothing to love. It's a practical but unspectacular car." Most reviews couldn't get past the complete lack of power in the Five Hundred, to even focus on its anti-style design. A MotorTrend test drive report put it best by quipping, "The Five Hundred didn't exactly feel brilliant under acceleration, as the flatulent exhaust note let us know the engine was working hard." Department of the Interior FordWith not much to excite, Ford went hard on the size of the Five Hundred's interior, with delusions that it was "upscale" and "luxurious." They touted the use of a hydrographic system for creating simulated metal mesh and burled wood interior accents, but it was just more cheap plastic that have plagued Fords forever. Rather than having a luxury interior, the Five Hundred was a minimalist landscape of inexpensive-looking gauges and components. There was a leather seat option, but tossing those into this horrid interior would have been like putting lipstick on a pig. Also, why is Ford so enthralled by the tan interior color schemes? Literally nobody likes that. Faux Luxury FordWe mentioned earlier that the Five Hundred was meant to compete in the full-size luxury sedan class, and while that's kind of true, a more accurate statement would be that Ford was attempting to create a luxury-adjacent segment. The Five Hundred was supposed to be the car you'd buy when you couldn't afford a Mercedes or BMW. In other words, Ford was hoping people with expensive tastes, but modest budgets would settle for a Five Hundred, and that's maybe the worst possible marketing gimmick in automotive history. Regardless of the price, a car should be treated as a grand prize, not a parting gift for losing at a game show. The Five Hundred was essentially billed as a year's supply of Rice-a-Roni, and that's why it was a flop. Into The Sales Void Ford For reasons that make no sense to those of us with eyeballs, Ford had lofty expectations for the Five Hundred when it launched for the 2005 model year. They predicted annual sales in the 300,000-unit range, but it was immediately clear that was not going to happen. Hitting just 65 percent of their goal in the first year, Ford kind of went into panic mode and offered a bunch of features like a power moonroof, drop-down DVD monitor, and black mud guards for all wheels on the 2006 model. Sales actually dropped significantly, so for 2007, they added a six-disc in-dash CD changer with MP3 capability and 18-inch eight-spoke alloy wheel options. Ford Five Hundred Sales 2005: 122,038 units2006: 84,218 units2007: 35,146 unitsSales in 2007 were about a tenth of what Ford initially predicted the Five Hundred would do, and so that was mercifully its last year of production. The 2005 all-wheel-drive Limited trim started at $28,495, which is $46,659 adjusted for inflation. While not a totally outrageous price, that was a bit steep for an unassuming, underpowered domestic vehicle. For about the same price, a decidedly sharper 2005 Chrysler 300C with genuine luxury and a 5.7-liter Hemi V-8 could be had, so the Ford Five Hundred didn't offer much value. There's a certain segment of the population who are Ford loyalists and will buy anything Blue Oval comes up with, but far too many conscientious consumers to make this mediocre ride into a superstar. Zodiak Killer Ford Ford actually came up with a 2008 refresh for the Five Hundred, but by that time the car was clearly dead, so they passed it off as a Taurus. The Taurus nameplate had been discontinued in 2006, but Ford brought it back from the dead to attempt to move some Five Hundreds. The strategy didn't work as 2008 Taurus sales were just 52,667 units, dropping to 45,617 the next year. The Taurus would limp along for several more years, finally getting the ax in 2019. The Taurus is one of Ford's all-time best-selling nameplates, and while there's no proof the Five Hundred killed it, it's a pretty weird coincidence.The Five Hundred got its name from the "500" qualifier Ford used to put on the hottest versions of their rides, and that's the biggest irony of this automotive folly. A '65 Galaxie 500 was a space-age marvel of design and a '66 Fairlane 500 R Code was a 425-horsepower dragster. The Five Hundred, on the other hand, had neither style nor performance, making it the complete opposite of what the 500 stood for. All of this is completely fine, by the way, because nobody makes the right call 100 percent of the time, and Ford has blessed the world with T-Birds, Mustangs, and F-150s, so we can forget about one truly forgettable car.
