Trygve Finkelsen/ShutterstockChances are, if I were to ask you to think of a really big car, you might picture the short-lived 2003-2009 Hummer H2. Back before the last economic crisis, General Motors made an effort to sate the ever-growing penchant for Americans buying bigger SUVs. The military-based H1 was a little too uncouth, loud, and brash for the average daily driver, so the company built a beefed-up bombastic Chevrolet Tahoe that put the mass in massive.The Hummer H2 was a big, comfy machine built to drive on American streets, and it got a lot of headlines for being too large. While the conversation on fuel economy, emissions, and pedestrian deaths started to rage, this became perhaps the most visible case of corporate maliciousness on the planet. It was a bright yellow bullseye that many pointed to as the ultimate indication of American excess.The Hummer H2 measured 189.8 inches long, 81.2 inches wide (without mirrors), and 77.8 inches tall, with a wheelbase of 122.8 inches. The Hummer wasn't quite as long as its three-row Suburban chassismate, which had almost 30 inches of length on the H2, and 7.2 inches more wheelbase. It was, however, wider and taller than the Suburban. Cars were just bigger back then, right? We learned from our mistakes during the last era of high gas prices, inflation, and economic uncertainty, revamped our systems and started buying smaller and more economical vehicles to reduce our dependency on oil products, didn't we?Oh, how wrong you are. Unfortunately, giant gas-guzzlers are all the rage in the U.S. once more. Within minutes of fuel prices returning to normal and automakers getting a taxpayer-funded bailout, we collectively forgot all about the hardships and started buying big SUVs again. Here are five giant machines even more giant-er than the Hummer.Jeep Wagoneer LMike Mareen/ShutterstockIn case you were worried that American brands weren't capable of building something Hummer-sized anymore, Jeep has you covered with the long-wheelbase version of the upmarket Wagoneer. This massive monster truck is most frequently found in line for school pickup. And it's a pretty good stand-in for a school bus at 6,326 pounds empty.At 226.7 inches long, this thing has a smidge over 3 feet on the Hummer! It's also wider at 83.6 inches (without mirrors). Not only is the Jeep taller than the Hummer H2 at 79.6 inches, it also has 1.6 fewer inches of ground clearance, adding to its monolithic nature. Even the standard short-wheelbase Wagoneer is a bit over 2 feet longer than the Hummer, while being wider, though less tall. They build 'em big in the Midwest, don't they? At least Hummer had the common decency to offer the H2 in bright school bus colors, instead of the boring insipid grayscale (plus maroon and deep blue) options on the Jeep.The only nice thing I think I can say about the Wagoneer L here is that it achieves slightly better fuel economy than the H2, achieving an impressive 16 mpg in city cycle driving versus the H2's 10 mpg in cities.Lincoln NavigatorLincolnAnother American upscale three-row SUV that just plain doesn't make any sense in 2026 is the Lincoln Navigator. The big twin-turbo V6-powered leather-wrapped luxo Ford is a smidge smaller than its Jeep competitor, but still quite a bit bigger than the Hummer H2 of two decades gone by. How quickly humanity forgets its hardships and lives high on the hog when times are slightly less bad.Both the Navigator and the long-wheelbase Navigator L are substantially longer than the H2, clocking in at 210 and 221.9 inches respectively. The Navigator twins only have half an inch in height on the H2, but that's enough to be taller, and with less ground clearance as well. Unlike the Jeep, the Lincoln is slightly narrower than the H2, the only dimension in which it is bested by the Hummer, clocking in at just 80 inches flat without its mirrors, a 1.2-inch difference.The Navigator has one thing the Hummer engineers never could have imagined back in 2002, however, a full-width dashboard panoramic display that's a whopping 4 feet wide, and a built-in AI assistant that nobody ever wanted or asked for.Infiniti QX80InfinitiIt isn't just the American brands capable of building tone-deaf 3-ton rolling petroleum tankers these days, as Japan has jumped in on the action with some American-sized three-row SUVs as well. Once again, this machine has the Hummer well beat on length at 211.2 inches overall — some 21 inches longer than the Hummer, in fact — and it's just over 2 inches wider at 83.3 inches. The tallest trim of the QX80, the Autograph 4WD, boasts an overall height of 78 inches, a smidge taller than the Hummer, but with air suspension that allows it to gain height and exactly match the ground clearance of the Hummer.Unlike the Hummer, the QX80 ditched its big V8 engine for a smaller twin-turbo V6 that makes significantly more power than the Hummer ever did. Its 450 horsepower and 516 pound-feet of torque is nothing to shake a stick at, even with all that size and weight to haul around. With 22-inch wheels, Nissan managed to make this car somehow look reasonably proportioned, too. And with 16 mpg, it's going to be better on fuel, to boot. Not good, but better.Lexus TXLexusNot wanting to be left out of the conversation, Lexus' biggest SUV — the Texas-sized TX — is also quite a big machine, though not quite as large as some of the vehicles we've already discussed. Compared to the new-for-2002 Hummer H2, the TX is 13.3 inches longer, 2.9 inches narrower, and some 7 inches less tall with a significantly shorter ground clearance. While the TX only has one dimension in which is bests the Hummer, it's important to remember the context: A modern Toyota product is longer than a vehicle once considered to be absurdly, comically, offensively large.Of everything listed here thus far, this is the first one that I'd personally be okay with driving for any extended amount of time. It's large, but at least the TX offers a hybrid four-cylinder version that achieves an almost reasonable 26 mpg on the highway, double the capability of the Hummer. It also significantly lighter than everything on this list, tipping the scales at just 4,670 pounds curb weight, over a ton less than the H2.Leave it to Toyota to make a vehicle that is equal parts absurd in its dimensions, but almost halfway reasonable in its daily drivability. There's some real engineering behind this, I think.Rivian R1SJust dance/ShutterstockIt isn't just the gasoline vehicles that are getting bigger, either; a few electric SUVs have bloated dimensions as well. Obviously there are the large-and-in-charge machines from General Motors, the Cadillac Escalade IQ and the GMC Hummer EV that have the old H2 beat by a mile. One that surprised me, however, was that the startup Rivian R1S electric SUV has some dimensional similarities to the old H2. Who could have guessed? It looks so normal on the road these days, perhaps indicative of how accustomed we have become to vehicles of this size, and not for the better.Like everything on this list, the Rivian R1S is a good bit longer than the H2 at 200.8 inches overall. It's wider (sans mirrors) at 82 inches, to boot. At 76.8 inches tall, the Rivian is exactly one inch shorter in height than the Hummer, but once again with less ground clearance — 8.7 inches versus the Hummer's 10.Here's the big one, though. Because of the Rivian's electric motors and corresponding large battery pack, it weighs in at a full 7,000 pounds (depending on configuration), which is 600 pounds heavier than the old Hummer. Considering the cost of fuel, I know which one I'd take home with me 10 times out of 10, though. Of everything on the list, I'd absolutely take the Rivian, and not just because it's the best looking. I didn't expect it to be quite so large, though.Want more like this? Join the Jalopnik newsletter to get the latest auto news sent straight to your inbox, and follow us or add us as a preferred search source on Google.
