Stellantis new model lineupThis week Stellantis rolled out a sweeping, $70 billion plan meant to revitalize the sprawling, 14-brand-strong automaker and take it into the next decade. A huge part of that is the announcement that it's going to bring 11 new Chrysler, Jeep, Dodge and Ram models to the U.S. by 2030. It'll be quite an undertaking, to say the least, and it's part of a broader effort to release 60 new gas and electric vehicles by the same date globally.If all goes well, the automaker hopes to hit 25% revenue growth in North America by 2030, and to do that, it's got this selection of nearly a dozen new vehicles joining its ranks over the next four years. Obviously, not all cars are created equal, so some are going to be a hell of a lot more exciting than others. Though with a company like Stellantis, every car is going to be at least a little bit sick. In any case, we (read: I) decided to rank Stellantis' upcoming vehicles by lamest to coolest. Disagree with us (read: me)? Argue with a wall. We're (read: I'm) not interested. 11. Ram RamchargerRam RamchargerI don't doubt that the Ram Ramcharger will be a fairly solid vehicle, but odds are that it'll just be a rebadged Jeep Grand Wagoneer, which itself is just a fine full-size SUV. Time will tell if it can compete against the big dogs of the segment like the Chevy Tahoe and Ford Expedition. I've also got some issues with the name. Ram Ramcharger just sounds a bit silly in the sort of way Dodge Ramcharger wouldn't have, and then you've also got to consider the name's recent history. Ramcharger was initially the name of the extended-range electric Ram 1500 when the fully-electric Ram was called the Ram REV. Then, when the electric Ram was killed, Ram renamed the EREV the REV and shelved the Ramcharger name. Very odd. 10. Jeep Grand Cherokee SRTJeep Grand Cherokee and Grand Cherokee LI'm sure the Jeep Grand Cherokee SRT — whatever form it takes — will be a hoot and a half, but it's well-tread territory at this point. It would be the third SRT Grand Cherokee and, in all likelihood, not terribly dissimilar to the Dodge Durango SRTs we've seen in the past. Because of that, it can't really go any higher on this list. Still, I'm pretty damn excited for it. 9. Jeep Grand Wagoneer SRTJeep Grand WagoneerYou can take a lot of what I just said about the Grand Cherokee SRT and apply it to the Grand Wagoneer SRT. Yeah, I'm sure it's going to be really sick. I mean, I love the Cadillac Escalade-V, and this seems to be a direct competitor to that truck, but it's not exactly moving the needle, ya know?In any case, a Hellcat (I assume) motor in a Jeep Grand Wagoneer should provide the exact sort of fun I'm after as someone whose frontal lobe seems to un-develop every single day. 8. Jeep Wrangler ScramblerJeep Wrangler ScramblerNow things are starting to get a bit weird. The Wrangler Scrambler (it looks like Jeep is adding the Wrangler name to the Gladiator lineup) is set to be a two-door Gladiator-based pickup truck with four seats. The two doors are a bit longer, and there's a side step so you can get into the rear seats a bit more easily, according to The Drive. It'll also have a removable hardtop on the rear and Jeep's "freedom panel" roof up front. Apparently, those rear seats will actually be able to swing around and face rearward, which doesn't sound scary at all.On the outside, The Drive reports it has a shark nose front end with a top edge of the hood that cants forward and square-ish headlights, similar to an Easter Safari concept from 2025. Underneath, it'll have independent suspension up front, but it's not clear what'll be out back, and there's still no word on what'll be powering it. However, Stellantis does have it marked as an SRT product, so a V8 is very much not out of the question. 7. Ram DakotaRam DakotaThe Dakota will be incredibly important for Ram. It's been over a decade and a half since the automaker had a midsize truck (if you don't count the Jeep Gladiator), and it's looking to take on some seriously heavy hitters like the Toyota Tacoma, Chevy Colorado and Ford Ranger. Being a newcomer to this segment won't be easy, but its price point and power should definitely help. Ram says the Dakota, when it launches, will start under $40,000, and CEO Tim Kuniskis said it'll be the "most powerful" truck in the segment, according to The Drive. 6. Ram RampageRam RampageThe Rampage is slightly more interesting than the Dakota to me just because it's the first real Ford Maverick fighter we've seen. Sure, there was the Hyundai Santa Cruz, but that was aimed at a different sort of buyer.There's actually a lot we know about the unibody Rampage, since a version of it is already on sale in South America, and it's basically a rebadged Fiat Toro. It'll come with a four-popper once it does reach our shores in 1500 guise, and it shares a platform with the Jeep Compass, according to Mopar Insiders, which should make it a bit nicer to drive than most of the other trucks on the market. So, I suppose you could say I'm pretty hyped for this thing for a number of reasons, but especially because it's a new small truck entrant to a market that desperately needs one, and it's going to inevitably make the Maverick better, since it's been coasting for years at this point on an island by itself. 5. Chrysler Arrow / Arrow CrossChrysler Arrow / Arrow CrossThere may be no brand in Stellantis' sprawling portfolio that is in more desperate need of a reset than Chrysler. After all, it sells just one vehicle right now, and that's why it's bringing a handful of new cars to market, including the Arrow and Arrow Cross siblings, both of which will cost somewhere in the $25,000 to $35,000 range. That's mighty cheap for today's car landscape.There's not too much information on what these cars will be just yet, but they'll apparently be based on a vehicle already sold in Europe, according to Road & Track. There's also no word on what powertrains they'll get. I'm sure they won't exactly be inspiring, but hopefully they'll do enough to turn the Chrysler brand around in some sort of substantial way. 4. Dodge Charger SRTDodge Charger 2-Door and 4-DoorAlright, now we're getting into the real heavy hitters. You, me, your mother, your mother, your father, your neighbor, hell, even the Pope (probably) has been asking Dodge to put a V8 back in the Charger, and it seems like that dream is finally a reality. Despite the fact that the company told me two years ago that there was no way in hell a V8 would ever fit, engineers seem to have found a way.Like most of the cars on this list, there isn't a ton known about the Charger SRT. I guess there's still a possibility it could get an even more hopped-up version of the twin-turbocharged Hurricane I6, but I've got a feeling that if Dodge pulled a stunt like that, Auburn Hills would look less chill than the Capitol on January 6. It does look like both the two- and four-door versions of the Charger will get SRT variants, though. Now, all Dodge has to do is give it a manual, and people will finally shut up. 3. Chrysler AirflowChrysler AirflowLight a mighty phoenix rising from the ashes, the Chrysler Airflow is back, but it's not the same EV it once was. Now, it'll run on the automaker's new global STLA One architecture, which is set to underpin a bunch of the company's new products. There's no word on a powertrain for the Airflow crossover. We know its platform is designed to use different propulsion systems, from electric to range-extended EVs and plain-old gas motors.Even though Chrysler is known for its minivans, I've got a sneaking suspicion the Airflow will be seen as a bit of a flagship for the brand, regardless of the fact that it's expected to start at around the $35,000 mark. After all, the Pacifica is older than dirt at this point. 2. Dodge GLHDodge GLHDodge used to be all about cheap performance, but that's sort of fallen by the wayside. I mean, the cheapest Charger you can buy still starts at over $50,000. Something has to change, and luckily, it is. The company is bringing in an "entry-level performance vehicle" called the GLH, which, of course, stands for Goes Like Hell. Old heads will recognize the reference to the Shelby-branded performance version of the 1980s Dodge Omni Hatchback. There may even be an SRT variant.Kuniskis reportedly described the car as "the next generation of Hornet, but the way we should have done it the first time," according to Road & Track. Clearly, the company knows it released a rather half-baked product.While I'm sure people will moan about the fact that it's not a tiny hatchback like the Omni GLH, they should at least be excited about the fact that Dodge is getting serious about compact crossovers. If it can build one that's actually fun to drive, well, to me, everybody wins. 1. Dodge Copperhead SRTDodge Copperhead SRTThere really could only be one option for what car I'd be the most excited for from Stellantis' latest round of announcements: it's the Dodge Copperhead SRT, which Kuniskis described as "hyper muscle car," according to The Drive.The car reuses the name of a sick-looking concept car from the 1990s, and, while its little photo is covered by a sheet, it does look like a Charger on HGH, muscle milk and whatever else RFK can recommend. It's going to be so sick. There's very clearly a huge — nearly Dodge Daytona-like — wing in the back, which is visible even under the sheet. Car and Driver got a sneak peek and said it's got all sorts of vents, a huge splitter, a massive spoiler and large oval exhausts at the lower center of the rear.There's no word on what's under the hood, but I've gotta assume it's going to be very large, very loud, and very bad for everyone's health. I can't wait. Of course, it's not a Viper, but beggars can't be choosers, can they? Want more like this? Join the Jalopnik newsletter to get the latest auto news sent straight to your inbox, and add us as a preferred search source on Google.
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