Things we like
- Goes like stink with noise to match
- Fully adapts to the driver’s every dynamic whim
- Sensational carbon-ceramic brakes
- Engineered to excite, built to last
Not so much
- Looks?
- Ergonomically debatable digital dash
- Compromised ride on most surfaces
- High price, poor fuel economy
Things we like
- Goes like stink with noise to match
- Fully adapts to the driver’s every dynamic whim
- Sensational carbon-ceramic brakes
- Engineered to excite, built to last
Not so much
- Looks?
- Ergonomically debatable digital dash
- Compromised ride on most surfaces
- High price, poor fuel economy
Having turned 50 last May, the BMW M division is still in celebration mode. This year, the Garching power brokers are going to spoil their fan base with the new M2, M3 CS, M4 CSL and M3 Touring to be followed by the XM flagship, i7 M60 and X1 M35i.
Ever since the first E30-based 3 Series Touring popped up in 1986, the brand community hoped for an M version of the compact five-door holdall. But although the go-faster branch had in fact built an M3 Touring prototype derived from the E46 platform that spawned the very first M3 CSL, management took fright at their own courage and black-flagged the project at the eleventh hour.
Disillusioned by the slow-selling M5 Touring (1992-1995/E34 and 2007-2010/E61), the M3 wagon was laid to rest for good until the CEO Frank van Meel picked up the red thread his predecessor Markus Flasch had started to spin during his 2018-2021 tenure as head of the M skunkworks.
First shown at last year’s Goodwood Festival of Speed, production of the 380kW estate car began in December. Fresh from the Munich assembly line with under 1000 clicks on the clock, our Sao Paulo yellow tester promptly drew a crowd at its first fuel stop.
In addition to the eye-catching paint job, the most practical M offering this side of the X models also turns heads thanks to its wider, lower and longer stance further accentuated by the pricey optional carbon-fibre body kit.
The upright rodent fangs grille remains a polarising design element, but the piercing laser headlights, contrasting black roof and tail spoiler, dark alloy wheels and the vocal quad-tailpipe exhaust surely tick all the right boxes.
Further boosting street cred is the optional M Race Track Pack featuring carbon-ceramic brakes, a higher 280km/h top speed and a pair of striking carbon fibre bucket seats which are only marginally more comfortable than they look.
Aimed squarely at the ageing 335kW Audi RS4 Avant and the new 507kW Mercedes AMG C63S wagon, the M3 Touring strikes a compelling balance between folly and functionality, long-distance Autobahn missile and part-time racer, hardcore daily driver and family-fit weekend cruiser with thinly veiled dark alter ego.
The drivetrain is pure M3 Competition. The twin-turbo 3.0-litre straight-six develops 380kW at 6250rpm and 650Nm of torque between 2750 and 5500rpm. Standard equipment includes all-wheel drive, eight-speed M Steptronic transmission, bespoke suspension set-up and a bunch of bodywork reinforcements that result in an 85kg weight penalty over the sedan.
On the credit side, the beefed-up M3 Touring feels as though hewn from solid.
Added torsional rigidity enhances the dynamic precision to the same extent it impairs the ride. What this car could really do with is the Comfort Plus damper setting Alpina long ago introduced across its entire model range.
Hit the starter button next to the gear selector, prick your ears, allow enough time for the goose pimples to blossom, and blip the throttle before sliding the lever into Drive. A quarter-century ago, the latter move was all it took to unleash the devil inside and bring emotions to the boil, but the age of digitalisation swamps us with countless alternatives and choices.
Do you prefer AWD normal or AWD Sport? Which of the three shift speeds works best? Should engine, transmission and chassis be locked in Comfort, Sport or Sport Plus? Is there perhaps an even more compelling mix-and-match set-up? Does M Traction Control in M Dynamic Mode (MDM) permit the right measure of tail happiness?
Why must even brakes and steering offer a choice of two different calibrations, and how does the response generated in Sport compare to Comfort? Is mid-winter a good omen for RWD, and if so, which of the ten drift stages is best for maximum drama and minimum tragedy? Questions over questions, and only one answer: let’s hit the road and find out.
In essence, the M3 Touring is three cars in one: Sunday morning B-road hooligan, cross-country fast lane season ticket holder and hugely practical 911 Carrera 4S alternative at a 40 per cent discount.
But it is also worth remembering what this swift and super-cool 380kW load carrier is not, namely a relaxed and hush-quiet long-legged intercity express, a cushy high-speed cruiser for mum, dads and two kids, and a totally forgiving premium transportation appliance that never puts a foot wrong.
It’s between these extremes that the majority-appeal, minority-interest Touring unfolds its unique character, which is worlds apart from the oddly uninvolving RS4 and tangibly superior to the oddly artificial C63.
After all, this BMW is an always-active and occasionally aggressive tarmac peeler, a concise carver masterminded by algorithms that never sleep, a challenge to the driver, the elements and, ultimately, its own limitations.
Whereas Scandinavian roads are covered with solid snow between November and April, winter in Bavaria tends to produce an inhomogeneous mix of sludge, black ice, snow drifts and puddles of standing water.
M&S tyres are a must, but the Michelins fitted to our test car operated with large slip angles that slowed down the turn-in response, took a heart-stopping moment to build up enough grip and indulged in rather abrupt breakaway characteristics.
As a result, the handling was sometimes coarse through the twisties, the inherently tenacious roadholding had its electric eel moments, and the token snap-oversteer at the exit was probably enhanced by the Touring’s quantifiably higher centre of gravity caused by its taller, longer roofline.
Nuances only, for sure, and yet subjectively at least, some of that commendable coveted creaminess at the limit was lost in the translation from one body style to the other. These minor idiosyncrasies may of course be irrelevant on summer tyres and dry blacktop.
Valid at all times irrespective of season and weather are the engine’s awesome urge and responsiveness, the multi-faceted adaptability of the quick and slick transmission, and the tactile professionalism of the torque vectoring hardware and software.
Good for 410kW in the M3 CS and M4 CSL, the iconic 380kW in-line six fitted to the M3 Touring is less than 90kW short of the brand’s beefiest 4.4-litre V8 as fitted to the M5 and M8.
Despite its substantial kerb weight of 1865kg and in view of the ho-hum drag coefficient of 0.36Cd, the awesome mid-range punch and spot-on gearing beam this five-seater with 500-litre cargo bay from zero to 100km/h in a launch-controlled 3.6 seconds and an equally remarkable 12.9 seconds from 0-200km/h.
Perhaps even more impressive is the explosive time-warp 2.7-second in-gear sprint from 80-120km/h. That’s 911 Carrera 4S territory, give or take a couple of tenths.
While befriending the engine is like meeting the perfect match on Tinder, falling in love with the transmission takes a little bit longer. How come? Because this is not your run-of-the-mill eight-speeder with a pre-loaded torque converter, nor is it a racy dual-clutch arrangement with rarely wrong pre-select brain power.
Unique to the BMW box is a variable shift speed feature, the effect of which ranges from a pat-on-the-shoulder jovial to a brutal whiplash kick in the butt. Rev the 2993cc Kraftwerk close to its 7200rpm redline and full-throttle upshifts will trigger this effect in first, second and even third gear.
All it takes to orchestrate a series of sequential downshifts is to keep the left-hand paddle pulled until road and engine speed match. Random paddle shifts are possible at any time; after 20 seconds the system will return to the original setting. Do not, however, expect any automated upshifts in manual transmission mode.
The overtaking prestige of our in-your-face yellow test car easily matched an on-call ambulance with lights flashing and horns blaring. Exhibiting the same authoritative ease, the M3 weaved speedily through traffic, closed gaps in fast-forward manner, reeled in vans and trucks at an unreal pace and devoured the open road like an emergency organ courier.
Changing gears manually is always an option but with the chips operating in Sport mode, there is really not a lot that old-fashioned grey matter can improve on.
Last but not least, you should compile two different basic dynamic settings and store them under the bright red M1 and M2 buttons that are within easy reach of both thumbs. One is perhaps keyed for the routine run to or from work in rush-hour traffic, the other one may prime the DNA for back road excursions with sleeves rolled up and a heavy right foot.
Like its stablemates, the M3 Touring is track-rated and accordingly compromised on uneven turf, around town and on older freeways replete with expansion joints and aquaplaning grooves. Even in Comfort, the suspension keeps snapping at potholes, fights speed bumps, responds angrily to drain covers and rattles with disdain over railway crossings.
The M5 does a better job in this urban habitat, and so do RS4 and C63 which are, however, less competent as soon as you start pulling out all the stops. The optional space-age bucket seats save almost ten kilos in weight, and they do offer plenty of lateral support, but they are definitely not a one-size-fits-all proposition.
Climbing over the tall thigh bracket is a physical effort, the effects of the sparse padding can be felt for days to come, and the adjustment opportunities are limited. While there is nothing to be done about the brittle ride and that underlying harshness, the self-conscious exhaust note can be toned down by hitting the appropriate button in the centre console.
The M3 Touring is the first M model equipped with the latest eighth-generation operating system and the new Curved Display that spans two-thirds of the distance between both A-pillars. Although the fully digital cockpit results in fewer buttons and switches, ergonomic progress is debatable and the funky graphics mark a sad departure from the once clearly legible round instruments.
While most functions must be accessed by the touchscreen, others can be summoned via voice control – which even operates the power windows.
Tall drivers need to bend forward to reach the distant display, simple items like seat heaters and temperature controls require multiple stabs at the monitor, and although most vibrating and blinking assistance systems can be deactivated step by step, they are back in full force after every engine restart.
New additions to the equipment list include the ‘Drift Analyser’, lap timer, tyre pressure and temperature readout as well as two graphs depicting longitudinal and lateral acceleration.
What’s missing is a purist black panel showing nothing but speed, revs and gear, plus perhaps a pair of low fluid level warning lights. After all, the M3 Touring is not a car for poseurs, gamers and wannabe racers. First and foremost, it addresses purists and dedicated drivers who are not interested in the brimborium that fascinates social media stars and marketing wizards.
Rather, this BMW is an expert tool for expert users, not a blat-blatting embarrassment chasing Instagram rankings and Facebook likes. Although dicing with high-performance rivals can be fun for a short while, true satisfaction stems from the kind of nitty-gritty ten-tenths human-machine interaction that needs no audience and no video evidence.
It is a car that speaks for itself, is pragmatic in concept, beyond doubt in content, solid in execution, emphatically emotional and super competent with the exception of some excess body fat and a few flaps and flippers too many.
Our best driving day out of four was a Monday, when the snow finally began to melt, the roads dried up and the weekend dawdlers had long returned home. The regular 58-mile test loop was still wet in places and a strong wind had started blowing from the east but traffic was light, one could see for miles, and the mighty under-bonnet momentum wasted no time in establishing a pushing and precise fast-forward rhythm.
True, the steering action is a little too light in Comfort mode and a little too stiff in Sport, just as the brakes are either somewhat grabby or a tad heavy. But adjusting is easy because the weight and the gearing of key controls interact with aplomb irrespective of the chosen setting, and the flow maintained by the drivetrain is intuitively complemented by the changes of direction and pace.
Even though turn-in understeer and power oversteer define the handling and roadholding spectrum, the demarcation zones are pliant and control is rarely more than a flick at the wheel or a token lift-off gesture away.
This is a playful car, benign up to a point and a challenge beyond it, but the dialogue never escalates, the respect is mutual, and the reward is worth the stiff tariff – even though a 280kW M340i xDrive Touring would probably cover the needs of nine out of ten prospective customers.
VERDICT
This is the best compact high-performance wagon a lot of money will buy, by a relatively long shot.
But beware: the quota is limited and extras (like bespoke paint) are expensive. And don’t expect a thank you note from your neighbour.
Keyword: 2023 BMW M3 Touring review: First international drive