Top Gear Garage
Mark’s broken open his piggy bank again… you’ll never guess what he’s bought this time
Internationally renowned photographer Mark has been working with TG for many, many years. When not taking photos he’s buying inappropriate cars. Here he shares his addiction with the world…
Have you ever wondered just how (and when) you could possibly find use for an armour-plated BMW all the way from Bulgaria? What do you mean no? It’s a question that’s plagued me for the past year, though only after I’d gone and bought one.
The answer is not very much. Not at all, in fact. Because for 12 months I’ve owned the 3.2-tonne BMW E32 7-Series and for 12 months it’s only ever moved briefly around a dusty farm shed in Northamptonshire. And that feels like a complete waste, given that its previous job was to chauffeur Bulgaria’s finance minister around.
I’d love to reel off a load of excuses why, like the DVLA being slow getting it registered. Or the intermittent coilpack issue which rolls the dice as to how many cylinders will fire. Sometimes eight, sometimes 10. Rarely the full dozen. But ultimately, it’s my own fault.
I’ve always thought that any car being hoarded and not used should be left for someone to actually enjoy. Which is why the 7-Series is now sold… and unsurprisingly it’s headed back to Eastern Europe. Slovakia to be precise, and to an owner who collects interesting BMWs including E32s. Finally, a match made in heaven.
There’s an important lesson to learn here. Obscure cars are great – especially for the joy of owning something completely ridiculous – but they’re easily neglected and rarely used because of how specific their ‘use’ can be. A more normal car may seem like a boring choice, but actually its ability to be used every single day far outweighs the oddity factor.
Which is why I’ve replaced the armoured 7-Series with an ex-Time Attack Toyota Starlet built by Jam Racing in Japan. A stripped and caged Chihuahua weighing exactly one quarter of the old BMW. Its little 1.5 turbo produces 250bhp and – without a big western buffoon like me inside – it tips the scales at 840kg.
Where do you find such a thing? That’s entirely Harlow Jap Auto’s fault. For years I’ve harassed brothers Ozz and Arooj for interesting Japanese cars, and annoyingly they always seem to deliver the goods. It’s their fault I have an R34 GT-R, S600 AMG Mercedes and a Ferrari 360 Challenge racer. And now it’s also their fault I have a Starlet so stripped back it doesn’t even have carpets.
However, around Tsukuba – one of Japan’s most famous circuits – it set a best lap of 1:02.98 back in 2008. That’s two seconds faster than the new GR Yaris managed, and the same lap time as a 991-gen Porsche 911 Turbo S. It is ridiculous, pointless and completely unnecessary. But if you need me, I’ll be Googling how and when you could possibly find use for a track ready Toyota Starlet all the way from Japan.
Keyword: We’ve bought an ex-Time Attack Toyota Starlet that’s faster than a Porsche 911 Turbo S