Jaguar Satire
Here’s TopGear.com’s roving correspondent, Cory Spondent, with his mostly incorrect exclusives from the world of motoring
British carmaker Jaguar has today announced a new initiative whereby any customer who buys one of its cars will immediately be gifted another car completely free of charge if England win the World Cup.
Reeling from sales losses over successive financial quarters and keen to capitalise on England’s international football success on the biggest stage, bosses have drawn up plans to boost the number of Jaguars on the streets of Britain by giving half of them away for free, should the Three Lions triumph.
“Jaguar is a world-class luxury automotive brand renowned for building the most desirable cars in each segment that people really admire before they go and buy a BMW or Audi or Mercedes-Benz,” a Jaguar insider told TopGear.com. “We had to do something radical, so this new plan is potentially the most effective way of literally doubling our annual sales figures.
“With all eyes on the biggest sporting tournament in the world and our men’s side doing rather splendidly, it’s the perfect patriotic tribute. Now don’t fluff it up, England.”
Should the England men’s side achieve the unthinkable to lift the most iconic trophy in world football, Jaguar will first embark on a public information campaign outlining the cars it does in fact still build and what they are equivalent to ahead of the new offer.
Keyword: ‘Buy one get one free’ on all Jaguars if England win World Cup